21 Days to Midsummer Project
Today I was confronted by unexpected crushing waves of sadness and feelings of loss and emptiness. It has been about 2 weeks since she died. Isnt that sad, I cant recall anymore when she died… it seems like I should know the exact day and how long its been but I cant, I was in a delirium of sleep deprivation and pressure from school. I find myself going long periods of time without even thinking about it.. but then i’ll see something that reminds me of her, or brings back a memory, sounds like something she would say, or has no connection to her whatsoever and I simply break. I want to be strong, she was so strong.. My heart hurts for my father.. so much. I feel like its not even so much the pain of losing her that brings me to unconsolable sobs of angony, but instead my empathy for him, and for everyone that has lost this wonderfully strong and beautiful woman.
Memories of her visiting my home almost exactly a month ago play like faded holographs, ghosted images teetering on the edge of memory and forgetting. And I am confronted with a combination of fatalistic cynicism towards the utter insignificance of life on a grand scale and the awe inspiring impact one spirit can have upon another creating a feeling of flourishing optimism and beauty, meditating on the impermanence of life and the eternality of the spirit.
We are One, and I Am Here